


Only Once

by glythandra



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, One Shot, Short, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, i just love girls and girls in love, soft, ugh women
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-13 19:31:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18037496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glythandra/pseuds/glythandra
Summary: They only ever said "I love you" once.





	Only Once

They only ever said "I love you" once.

Beauregard is tough, strong, hard, but brittle. She stands tall, never wavering, never breaking, almost never breaking. She has her moments. Moments she's strained too far, moments where she's too stiff to stay still any longer. She has moments where she breaks through the shell of herself. There were less, at the beginning, when they were strangers. Don't get attached, Dairon said, Or you'll break when they sever. Beauregard has never been attached to anything in her life. 

Jester is soft, but molded. She molds herself, smoothing out the cracks and points, smoothing out the damage, smoothing it out. A bit of clay falls off each time. She was small, but she was never small, she had the largest presence ever since she was young, the jester of her own world since even before she chose her name. She had such a small world, such a dollhouse of a world, and she loved it with her whole heart. The dollhouse sat on the floor of her bedroom. She opened every door of that dollhouse, then fled through the balcony.

And this is why they don't speak it aloud. For Beauregard it was never allowed, it was no option, she could not break, she could not splinter and become weak. She could not split her focus. And Jester had been far too honest her entire life, overhearing the most beautiful and most foul honesty from the crack under her mother's bedroom door, never quite learning what honesty really meant to her. 

Jester, a name she chose herself, because what more could a person hope for in their life than to make others happy? Jester, because it leaves no room for sorrow. A single comedy mask, the tragedy hiding beneath it. And Beauregard, a name thrust upon her, a name she carried like a weight, balancing all of it while still trying to keep herself whole, trying to defend her heart from those who wished to define or break it. A name she learned to carry with pride, despite its origins, because it was proof to herself that she endured, that she conquered herself. That she is becoming who she is.

Names are important to the two of them. What someone chooses to be called means the world to them, it encapsulates their identity in a sound, in writing, and it is nowhere near accurate. 

Beau, Jester likes to call her. Everyone calls her Beau, its easier, shorter, snappier. Jester thinks it sounds more like the woman she knows.

And Beauregard calls her Jes, Jessie, something sweet, something like honey. Something born from flowers, something warm. Something short to throw off the tongue, meaningless until given meaning.

So much of what they do is meaning.

Jokes, offhanded, laughs, brief but so full. So much more left inside, so little spilling over the brims of their mouths. Just enough to show they care. The care itself is kept deep inside, rarely brought out to play. They can feel that care, the warmth flowing between them in the smallest of actions, the gentlest and briefest of touches. They rarely need to mention what they already feel. Beauregard found her strength. Jester found her honesty. They only ever said "I love you" once.

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this pretty quickly just to get out some feelings on these gals. Absolutely in love with their characters individually and how well they fit together, and I've been thinking on their relationship lately and needed to get something down on paper. 
> 
> check me out on twitter! @glythandra


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